I am up far too early, having gone to bed far too late. But I couldn’t sleep and so at 4:45 I gave up and got up in an effort to steal a little time in a quiet house when no one is awake to bug me.
I came up to the bonus room, where our desks live, and spent some time organizing … papers and files and art supplies. Paid some bills and searched for an envelope – they used to be in the filing cabinet but they aren’t there now – where on earth did they go? Finally found them on top of the printer right in front of my face.
Moved on to electronic files – trying to organize the personal, along with the five different companies I’ve got going. And from there, took a look at the website for one of them, only to realize that the AI generated content I put in there as a placeholder was drastically wrong and needed to be fixed. An hour later, and considerably more frustrated, here I am.
And now it’s already 6:38 and I must be getting ready for my full-time job. I don’t want to. I realized yesterday afternoon, when I was finally home and enjoying the beautiful weather, that my job is more stressful than I realize. It’s only a senior admin role. I’ve been doing it for seven years. But as a child of the 70’s I am inherently a people pleaser and find great difficulty in setting boundaries and saying no. This inevitably leads to being taken advantage of. This is my own fault. I would leave and start over somewhere else, but ageism is a thing and in the meantime, I need to work for a few more years to finish paying for my daughter’s college tuiition and to pay off my travel debt.
All of this leaves me to trying to carve out time at 4:30 in the morning for the things I need to do, want to do, don’t have time otherwise to do. If only I could get by on four hours of sleep, or maybe three.
surviving nc 